Reality sets in

We are in Guangzhou now.  Today was a hard day.  Leaving Maggie behind, airport and travel, some sibling rivalry and Ani being very worried about school.  Worries include:  grade 4, exams, English, math, a strict teacher, poor grades, angry parents if poor grades, i.e. the Chinese way.

And then there are the behavior issues to deal with.  Now that I stop and think about it, it has been worse since preparing to leave Shanghai so stress related I am sure.  Ani has regressed to a two year old.   It is making me tired.   And is also making me worried for what lies ahead.   

I read all the books.  I knew the possibilities and yet I thought it would be better.   That was based on 1) Our experience with Neela being so easy - of course she was only 18 months, 2) my thinking that she had lived with a foster family so would know how to function outside of an orphanage setting and 3) wishful interpretation of the small amount of comments written about her in the referral. 

I wonder who the real Ani is.  I wonder how long it will be until we know.  How much of this is the extreme stress she is under right now vs. the long term effects of orphanage life?  That is my main worry I guess.

My hope is that once we get home and have a good routine for her, she will settle down.  And after a few months when her English starts to come, she will find more appropriate ways to act because she will be able to express herself.   Her vision issues seem small in comparison to everything else right now.

Oh well. Tomorrow is another day and we are only 5 days into this after all. I think I may even sleep more than 5-6 hours tonight.  These beds are SO comfy.  A week of very little good sleep is not making things any easier. I am sure I will adjust by the time it is ready to come back home and start the jet lag all over in reverse...

Good night. 

Marnie